It's not that it was very likely - I knew that. It's not the right time, we haven't got any money etc., but I just can't help feeling a little bit sad. Sounds silly I know but there you go.
Things are looking up for us, my partner has a new job, we are going to be able to move into a flat, we're getting married - still it would have been nice to be pregnant at the same time as my sister. So still not trying, but I'm off the pill. Let's see what happens...
Wednesday 9 June 2010
Wednesday 19 May 2010
Wedding Daze
I'm getting married next year! This is very strange to me. I always kind of assumed I would but now it's starting to be real. I've been looking into costs and by god is it expensive! I never wanted the whole white wedding thing, but even so the guest list is getting bigger and bigger. I reckon it will end up at about 30 people at the ceremony and and 80 people at the reception. I swear if I could get married on-line I would. It's a whole year away and I'm starting to get stressed about it already. Not to mention I'm going to have to organise finding and renting a flat for me and Lee and moving into it and buying necessary furniture in a couple of months.
I reckon we can get an engagement ring for c.£300, a wedding dress for c.£140, get my sister to do invitations, get my other sister to do some sort of gift bag for guests, do without the wedding list and get people to bring a bottle, hire a hall for about £400, get buffet catering for c£200 and £200 worth of drinks. Is that everything? I sincerely doubt it and we're up to £1240 already. Wish me luck
I reckon we can get an engagement ring for c.£300, a wedding dress for c.£140, get my sister to do invitations, get my other sister to do some sort of gift bag for guests, do without the wedding list and get people to bring a bottle, hire a hall for about £400, get buffet catering for c£200 and £200 worth of drinks. Is that everything? I sincerely doubt it and we're up to £1240 already. Wish me luck
Tuesday 11 May 2010
Ambivalence
I confess that when I initially started this blog I think I thought it may be a combination of confessional, business opportunity and self esteem booster. I think I thought that writing regularly would help me feel better in and about myself. Instead it seems to have had the opposite effect. I find the dribbling idiocy that comes out when I post banal. I am not even interested in what I have to say, why should anyone else be? I don't know if I really want what's inside my head to be outside for anyone to see. I haven't even told friends and family that I'm writing this. I suppose if I could be assured that no-one who has ever known about me in any capacity would read this, then maybe I could delve into more interesting topics. I think the problem is that you can't really write about your own life without writing about the people in it. Since I haven't asked these people then what right do I have to talk about them?
I think that I was hoping this could be a sounding board, an opportunity for me to discuss and get feedback on various issues in my life, but I find myself unwilling to discuss the personal in a public space. Why do other bloggers do? How do they negotiate the ethics of writing a personal blog? Any answers gratefully received.
I think that I was hoping this could be a sounding board, an opportunity for me to discuss and get feedback on various issues in my life, but I find myself unwilling to discuss the personal in a public space. Why do other bloggers do? How do they negotiate the ethics of writing a personal blog? Any answers gratefully received.
Friday 7 May 2010
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
It is with a sense of great relief that I can announce that, regardless of the nationwide result, it appears a corner of South West London shall remain ever Orange. The demonising Tory candidate has not gained a parliamentary seat from Sutton and Cheam. Admittedly this will mean 5 years of people moaning about Paul Burstow again but that is a sacrifice I am happy to make.
Slightly more disapponting is the fact that the BNP came fourth in my area with over 1,000 votes. I am hoping the total lack of BNP MPs nationwide will discourage voters from this position in the future - since common sense and rationality seem to have no effect.
Slightly more disapponting is the fact that the BNP came fourth in my area with over 1,000 votes. I am hoping the total lack of BNP MPs nationwide will discourage voters from this position in the future - since common sense and rationality seem to have no effect.
Wednesday 5 May 2010
The quality of mercy is not strained...
It is a curious society that we inhabit at the moment. Suspicion of peoples motives has become endemic, and altruism is considered with a side long sneer by people sure there must be an angle somewhere. Unfortunately this attitude has permeated both business and private aspects of life.
I was walking down the street the other day (well actually about 5 years ago) when a little girl fell over and grazed her knee. As she was crying and bleeding and I had a plaster to hand I helped her mum to get her up and proffered the sticking plaster only to be met with a look of confusion, sliding through suspicion and then finally gratitude.
It was like she couldn't imagine why a stranger would help - but surely what decent stranger wouldn't help when confronted with a crying child that you can help. It's sad that people are living in a state of fear (particularly parents) always wondering if the kind stranger has an alternative motive. When did the idea of just helping people for the sake of it become so alien to our way of thinking?
It's an attitude that permeates business transactions these days. The idea that you are genuinely not trying to rip people off is so alien to most peoples viewpoints that they are constantly looking for the catch. It might be funny if it weren't just so sad.
I was walking down the street the other day (well actually about 5 years ago) when a little girl fell over and grazed her knee. As she was crying and bleeding and I had a plaster to hand I helped her mum to get her up and proffered the sticking plaster only to be met with a look of confusion, sliding through suspicion and then finally gratitude.
It was like she couldn't imagine why a stranger would help - but surely what decent stranger wouldn't help when confronted with a crying child that you can help. It's sad that people are living in a state of fear (particularly parents) always wondering if the kind stranger has an alternative motive. When did the idea of just helping people for the sake of it become so alien to our way of thinking?
It's an attitude that permeates business transactions these days. The idea that you are genuinely not trying to rip people off is so alien to most peoples viewpoints that they are constantly looking for the catch. It might be funny if it weren't just so sad.
Tuesday 4 May 2010
Schadenfreude
It's probably very wrong that I am overjoyed by the fact that my local tory candidate Phillipa Stroud has been revealed as a bit of a nutter. Hopefully this will mean that she doesn't get in this time around. It does need to be noted though that this consituancy voted in "Lady" Olga Maitland - a raving mini me Margaret Thatcher if ever there was.
The concept of a parliamentary candidate who believes homosexually can be cured by driving out demons, while amusing, is also deeply disturbing to me. While I can appreciate that one can hold personal beliefs that contradict one's professional role, without diminishing the abilty to perform, the idea of a representative member of Parliament who believes c. 10% of those she represents are under demonic influence indicates that these people may not get the best representation. It's also not exactly a good message to send out to schools, who already have to deal with endemic homophobia from primary age.
In my mind it is akin to a member of the BNP being on the equalities commission. They say they can do their job without recourse to their personal beliefs but how much of what we do and how we act is down to the subconscious? Current psychological thinking is that the unconscious is responsible for c.80% of our actions and decision making processes. Bearing that in mind, how can a bigot honestly believe that their deeply held beliefs are not influencing their day to day reactions? How could you guarantee it?
I am not calling all christians bigots, and I do appreciate the good work the church does but, as our society grows and changes, how do we ensure we change and grow with it? A multicultural society thrives in a tolerant society, but how do we reconcile religious and societal beliefs with a need for tolerance?
If you truly believe that you are right (in your choice of God, lifestyle, even fashion) then it follows that everyone who doesn't agree with you is wrong. If for example your are a christian and deeply believe that your way is the way to salvation and eternal life, that God is good and God is Love, and that you have found the right path then how could you not want to spread the word, to convince as many people as possible to join you. If you believe that everyone outside of your faith will go to hell, what sort of Christian would you be if you just left them to it?
This sort of faith does not allow for alternatives, but it surely it can be used to encourage tolerance. How else are you to get your message across but through talking to (not condemning) the very people who need saving the most?
I do not believe in demons, I do not believe in God and I have to say a follower (indeed founder) of a church that literally demonises those not on the same path as them is not a fit representative of of the people she is claiming to stand for, nor is it fitting for a public servant of the multicultural society we do live in and tolerant society we need to live in today.
The concept of a parliamentary candidate who believes homosexually can be cured by driving out demons, while amusing, is also deeply disturbing to me. While I can appreciate that one can hold personal beliefs that contradict one's professional role, without diminishing the abilty to perform, the idea of a representative member of Parliament who believes c. 10% of those she represents are under demonic influence indicates that these people may not get the best representation. It's also not exactly a good message to send out to schools, who already have to deal with endemic homophobia from primary age.
In my mind it is akin to a member of the BNP being on the equalities commission. They say they can do their job without recourse to their personal beliefs but how much of what we do and how we act is down to the subconscious? Current psychological thinking is that the unconscious is responsible for c.80% of our actions and decision making processes. Bearing that in mind, how can a bigot honestly believe that their deeply held beliefs are not influencing their day to day reactions? How could you guarantee it?
I am not calling all christians bigots, and I do appreciate the good work the church does but, as our society grows and changes, how do we ensure we change and grow with it? A multicultural society thrives in a tolerant society, but how do we reconcile religious and societal beliefs with a need for tolerance?
If you truly believe that you are right (in your choice of God, lifestyle, even fashion) then it follows that everyone who doesn't agree with you is wrong. If for example your are a christian and deeply believe that your way is the way to salvation and eternal life, that God is good and God is Love, and that you have found the right path then how could you not want to spread the word, to convince as many people as possible to join you. If you believe that everyone outside of your faith will go to hell, what sort of Christian would you be if you just left them to it?
This sort of faith does not allow for alternatives, but it surely it can be used to encourage tolerance. How else are you to get your message across but through talking to (not condemning) the very people who need saving the most?
I do not believe in demons, I do not believe in God and I have to say a follower (indeed founder) of a church that literally demonises those not on the same path as them is not a fit representative of of the people she is claiming to stand for, nor is it fitting for a public servant of the multicultural society we do live in and tolerant society we need to live in today.
Friday 30 April 2010
Friday afternoon
It's Friday, it's payday and it's a bank holiday - triple threat as Charlotte Church might say. Sorry I got a bit excited there, I can promise no more CC references.
Anyway, as I was saying - Payday! I have only had £100 to last me 2 weeks so I am a bit too excited about having a full month's salary in the bank. In the thrilling and exciting world that is my life this means I can go to Sainsbury's and buy some nice booze. Yay me!
This afternoon at work has been crazy. I don't know what it is about bank holidays that makes freight and courier companies go crazy but I have had my fill of running about trying to sort out last minute crises today - am looking forward to the bank holiday weeked, 3 days with no work, well apart from all the little things I'll end up helping my mother with .
well, enjoy!
Anyway, as I was saying - Payday! I have only had £100 to last me 2 weeks so I am a bit too excited about having a full month's salary in the bank. In the thrilling and exciting world that is my life this means I can go to Sainsbury's and buy some nice booze. Yay me!
This afternoon at work has been crazy. I don't know what it is about bank holidays that makes freight and courier companies go crazy but I have had my fill of running about trying to sort out last minute crises today - am looking forward to the bank holiday weeked, 3 days with no work, well apart from all the little things I'll end up helping my mother with .
well, enjoy!
Virgin Territory
Well, here we go.... (Oh, and the virgin territory in question is the blogsphere)
I am quite new to blogging, and am not sure what function this site will serve, so if you are reading this, bear with me. I figure the site will evolve as time goes on so am reluctant to pigeon hole it in it's early stages.
Well this is hello and welcome to any readers, hopefully I'll get some time later today to add something a little more cogent. Bye for now
I am quite new to blogging, and am not sure what function this site will serve, so if you are reading this, bear with me. I figure the site will evolve as time goes on so am reluctant to pigeon hole it in it's early stages.
Well this is hello and welcome to any readers, hopefully I'll get some time later today to add something a little more cogent. Bye for now
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